Colour: Blue
Feeling: Guilt
Looking down so that all I can see are blades of lush green grass, my dark trainers and the occasional daisy, I carefully take a few steps closer to the Ancient Rock – the one place where I am pleased with the world and where I can forget all the horrors that surround everyone, no matter how big or small. People used to look at me and smile, as I was the man everyone wanted to be – handsome, charismatic, loaded, intelligent, and with the girl everyone wanted to go out with, Azure Webb. They smiled at me to get on my good side, mainly – for instance, if they wanted a bit of money or if they wanted to be my friend, and most of the time I gave them what they wanted. However, if one of them asked about Azure, I scowled. She was a private person, and although people knew her as the ‘shot girl’ with the social skills and the looks of, say, a famous actress, I knew her for what she was: a gorgeous girl, yes, but with a lot of personality. That’s what I loved her for.
However, it’s different now. When people look at me, they raise their eyebrows at my facial hair and ripped clothes, thinking about how much I’ve changed in the past month or so. I’ve always hated telling people about my problems as I don’t like whining as it gets on everyone’s nerves, so I shied away from the people I once knew, and for the first time in my life I looked at people like they were going to hurt me in the same way he did. The ruthless killer no-one even listened to me about. The one who slaughtered Azure.
I sigh and sit down on a bench, finally looking at the worn grey rock as if something very interesting were written on it. Looking at the sky – or anything blue, such as the sea or the jeans I used to wear – reminds me of Azure and her beautiful blue eyes that suited her name so well, and I can’t bear it. Every time an image of her delicate features, tanned complexion, and long, wavy, chocolate coloured hair, I have to squeeze my eyes shut, tears running down my cheeks. And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave... her favourite song of all time is still running through my head (My Immortal by Evanescence, if you’re interested) and after I smile a bit about the irony of the lyrics, I wish the song would leave my head. But it won’t, and neither will Azure.
Taking this moment to myself, I take the mangled, bloodstained, once beautiful blue ribbon that belonged to my mangled, bloodstained, once beautiful girlfriend out of my pocket, bringing it close to my heart. The blue reminded me of Azure’s eyes, making an overwhelming feeling of guilt wash over me. Letting the tears run freely, I whisper to myself, “Why wasn’t I there, gorgeous? Why didn’t you cry out for help, let me go instead of you? Why did I play Call of Duty when he scraped that knife across your throat? I’m so sorry, baby. So, so sorry.”
Once I was popular. Once I had a happy life. But that ribbon, along with all things blue, is just a vague reminder of what I used to have. He was the one who destroyed my life, I knew that. But on the other hand, I couldn’t help but think about her glazed, dead eyes when I found her. I couldn’t help but think about how I could have prevented that.
